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"Hello, Newman."
by Anthony OrlandoBuzzFeed Contributor
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Wayne Knight's Newman is one of the most beloved and hilarious characters on Seinfeld, standing above all the other brilliantly funny side characters the show has produced.
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Though he was never made an official main cast member, Newman's recurring presence and memorable moments in the show arguably make him the unofficial fifth member of Jerry's group. To honor this mischievous mailman, here's the list for the 20 Best Newman Moments on Seinfeld.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
20. Newman's Offer
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When Elaine is repeatedly tormented by a barking dog, she enlists the help of Newman, who shares an animosity toward canines as a mailman. Though she is hesitant to go through with his plan, she eventually caves and agrees. When she does, Newman summons his inner Mr. Burns and gives a deliciously evil response.
19. The Wisdom of Newman
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When Elaine and Kramer argue over who should own a bike after a failed promise, they consult the impartial Newman to resolve this dilemma. After a lengthy debate, Newman invokes the Judgment of Solomon and claims, "We shall cut the bike in half and give half to each of you."
18. Newman Is Arrested
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After Elaine, Kramer, and Newman fail to get rid of the annoying dog outside her apartment, the police come and arrest them for dognapping. But when the cops show up at Newman's door, he isn't fazed at the slightest, invoking murderous mailman David Berkowitz when he asks, "What took you so long?"
17. Newman the Romantic
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When Kramer becomes infatuated with Jerry's girlfriend, Pam, he seeks out Newman's help in winning her over. Taking a page from Cyrano, Newman secretly feeds Kramer the words to say to Pam. Unfortunately, Newman makes Kramer talk about junk mail after Pam brings it up, showing how seriously he takes his job.
16. The Chase
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After Newman helps Kramer woo Pam, Seinfeld discovers Newman's role in his friend's scheme. What follows is a ridiculously funny chase scene as Jerry pursues Newman through their apartment building. Pretty much a mix of Scooby-Doo and Mission: Impossible, this little game of cat and mouse perfectly sums up the hysterical feud between Jerry and Newman, making them our favorite sitcom rivals.
15. Newman and Jerry's Alliance
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When Jerry decides to help Newman win a transfer to Hawaii, he fills in for Newman as a mailman. Unfortunately, Newman's office realizes he wasn't working because Jerry did too good of a job. Newman is thus denied his transfer, and Jerry is labeled a "disgrace to the uniform." Also, shoutout to Newman's sick hot dog phone at the end.
14. The Bottle Deposit
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After learning about the higher price of recycling deposits in Michigan, Newman tries to revive one of Kramer's old schemes and finds a way to make it work. Once he does, Newman and Kramer gather bottles and cans from across the city in a hilarious montage. Probably the funniest part is when Newman downs a bunch of soda bottles when he could've just poured them in the sink. By the way, if you're thinking about pulling off this scheme, don't even try. It's actually illegal in Michigan to deposit out-of-state cans, and someone learned that the hard way. Just sayin'.
13. Newman Gets Cornered
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When Kramer mysteriously disappears after a bitter fight, Jerry and George confront Newman about his whereabouts. But when Newman plays coy, the duo gang up on him, and the wicked postman breaks down and hides behind Elaine. To think Newman acts so gleefully devious, and yet he immediately crumbles when he thinks a punch is coming his way.
12. Newman Interrogates Jerry
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During a package delivery gone wrong, Jerry is put under investigation for mail fraud. And who else would run it but Newman? In a hilarious reversal of a police interrogation, Newman gets sweaty beneath a hot lamp, and Jerry gets the upper hand when his adversary thirsts over his can of soda.
11. Newman vs. Brocolli
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When Jerry goes over to the Kenny Rogers Roasters to complain about their neon sign, he runs into Newman as he picks up his order. Jerry gets suspicious when Newman orders broccoli, but the latter feigns enjoyment of it. When Newman is forced to eat it, he spits out the "vile weed" in disgust. But the real kicker comes when he takes a shot of honey mustard to calm himself down.
10. Schindler's List
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After Newman catches Jerry and his girlfriend making out during Schindler's List, he blabs about it to his parents just to mess with him, showing how much he loves to see his mortal enemy suffer.
9. Highway Inferno
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Oh, the humanity! When Elaine and Kramer are driving on the highway, they both accidentally leave behind a sewing machine and a pool of paint thinner. But when Newman drives by during a late-night delivery, he gets the sewing machine stuck beneath his truck, setting the flammable paint thinner ablaze. It's another example of how the characters' stories intersect and create chaos in the most hilarious way possible.
8. "When You Control the Mail..."
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When Jerry refuses to loan Newman his lip-reading girlfriend, the vengeful postman threatens Jerry with this immortal line.
7. The Mail Never Stops
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When George asks Newman what he does for a living, the latter discusses his life as a postal worker. He becomes so engrossed in his life story, he relives the trauma of working at the post office.
6. Newman's Final Curse
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In the series finale, the group decides to take a trip to Paris, and Newman begs Jerry to take him with them. Of course, Jerry refuses, and Newman curses his enemy with great misfortune that eventually comes when Jerry and his friends are sent to prison.
5. Jambalaya
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When the infamous Soup Nazi takes the city by storm, Jerry and his peers bend over backward to get their soup. Newman succeeds in getting his jambalaya soup, and the way he celebrates this outside is guaranteed to stay in your brain whenever you have this Cajun cuisine.
4. Newman the Cleaner
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When Elaine and Mr. Lippman are left with a surplus of muffin stumps, the former hires Newman to take care of the problem. Arriving on the scene like Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction, Newman's serious entrance hysterically contrasts with his method of cleaning. Opening a bag full of milk bottles, Newman proceeds to eat all the muffin stumps with a straight-faced resolve that only he could convey.
3. Fleas
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When Jerry's apartment is infested with his fleas, he figures out that Newman was responsible and interrogates. Though Newman feigns ignorance, Jerry tries to get him to break and admit that he gave him fleas. It's so funny to see Newman slowly lose it as he fights the urge to scratch himself until he finally fesses up.
2. Newman Insults the Shopkeeper
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In this scene, Kramer and Newman try to sell some old records, but they are given a terrible offer from the record store owner. In response, Kramer has Newman talk smack about the guy by whispering the insults into his ear, with the latter's delivery in this scene being both elegant and gut-busting.
1. Newman in Court
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When Newman gets caught speeding, he asks a concussed Kramer to testify in court. The two men come up with a story about Kramer attempting suicide to help Newman get out of paying the fine. Unfortunately for him, Kramer's head injury causes him to forget the story, and Newman completely loses his cool in front of the judge. This scene is a perfect example of Wayne Knight's emotional range, as he's able to go from cool cunning to a full-on nervous breakdown.
Do you agree with this list? Were there any other Newman moments that I missed? Please let me know in the comments section below.
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